Sorry it has been so long since I've updated. A lot has been going on, and nothing I think any of you would like to hear about.
In my last post I told you that Mark and I have been off track with our Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Nothing has changed. Which to be honest frustrates the hell out of me! I feel as if he just doesn't care about this side of me and our relationship enough to even put in some effort.
A year ago I decided to embark on a journey to find a strong man who understands ALL of me. Spanking included. And I feel like now I'm back to settleing.I feel things wouldn't be so rocky now if we wouldn't have dabbled in the lifestyle and then just stopped it all together. I know it's there! Maybe it's just playing dead. Lol.... let's hope so
I know it's bad, but I ust am constantly thinking of ways to get his attention, let alone a spanking! I'm confused as to what is going on.
So no spanking = not much to blog about :(
Any suggestions on how we can rekindle TTWD?
Hope all of you had a wonderful 4th and I will keep all of you updated!
Monday, June 20, 2011
This is my first post, so I will tell you all a little bit about myself. I currently have no followers, so I'm not sure if anyone will be reading this. Regardless, I'll still share ;)
My name is Alivia and I am 20 years old. I live in Tennessee and have just recently made a 2 hour move away from the town I've lived in nearly all my life. It was hard to leave all my friends and family, but being with the man I love was worth the move. I am pretty much settled in now, I have a job and I'm enrolled in school. I will graduate in 2014 with a degree in Elementary Education. I can hardly wait! Kids are definitely my passion and there's nothing I want more than to have my own classroom.
Onto the good stuff. lol
I decided to start blogging because I think it will help me get some things off my chest and also to make some friends. Until now, I have just been a "lurker" who follows anonymously. If that is you, I encourage you to step out and make yourself known. It feels good! And from what I've seen we have a wonderful spanking community here in blog land.
Spanking is something I think about and crave on a daily. It was not until a year ago that I came to terms with this side of me, but I am so glad I did. I am continuing to learn more and more about my spanking self, every day. I no longer think of myself as "weird" "perverted" or "something is wrong with me". I have embraced it and used it to improve nearly every aspect of my life.
My relationship is complicated. Neither my family nor friends approve of our relationship, sadly. Mark is 10 years older than me, for us it's fine, but to everyone else it's un-natural. I admit, sometimes it's frustrating because I understand we are in two different phases in our life. He has children and is settling down, and I am in college still wanting to "live it up" lol and break some rules. He understands how I feel and makes sure to cater to my needs, but without letting me lose myself among all the chaos. He grounds me, I feel stable knowing he watches out for me. It's not always fun, but I know it's what I need. So yeah..... The whole 10 year age gap is a struggle, but we are working on it. Does anyone else out there have this problem?
Ok.... Spanking in the relationship.
We have kinda veered of track here recently. Our ultimate goal is Domestic Discipline, but with Mark working so much, it is totally inconsistent. Which has resulted in me constantly testing him, which leads to lots of agreements left unresolved. Go figure
We both agree it is something we desperately need, and we are trying to get back on track.
My last Spanking was for discipline, and went something like this.
"Alivia the house is disgusting, I'm embarrassed for the girls to even be here" (The house was not disgusting!! a little "messy" maybe, and they're kids.... they really don't care?!)
** mean look, stomps down the stairs..... This really bothered me and I knew to just keep my mouth shut. So I walk down stairs and start unloading the dishwasher.
"I just don’t understand why you have to be such a jerk about this Mark. This is like the first time I've let our house get messy"
"That is a lie, you said you would have the house clean yesterday, and it's 7 o'clock and you haven't done a thing all day! It's sheer laziness"
(this is where I lost it! I HATE the word lazy and it hit me super hard. I broke down, and I knew I was going to cross the line)
I slammed the dishwasher and yelled "F*&# You! I am not LAZY!, You never lift a finger to help me in the house" Cursing isn't a rule, as long as it's not directed to Mark.
I knew I had gone too far and closed my eyes and began apologizing over and over. It was too late. I was already begging lead upstairs firmly by my arm.
The girls were outside with the neighbor kids and he was in a hurry to take care of my poor attitude. The whole way to our room I cried and begged him not to spank me. My pleas were ignored. Normally for I spanking I am order to pull down my own pants and panties. But this time they were both yanked down in one swift motion.
"You are not going to disrespect me Alivia! Do you understand?!"
"Yes Sir" "Please don't!!"
I heard him unbuckle his belt and that awful noise of him taking it off.
"You are going to learn I'm not putting up with your mouth, and I worked 70 hours this week! How dare you make those comments about me not helping in the house?"
That's when I really began to cry, I felt awful, mean, selfish.
The spanking was not very long, and after words I was left upstairs to cry and reflect.
“Don’t you move until I come up here to get you, Understand?"
"Do you understand me Alivia?" **Forcing my eyes to meet his.
When he returned we talked it over and continued with our night. I felt better. Centered.
I am trying to do better about keeping the house in order. I want to make Mark happy. As hard as he works to provide for us, he desreves it. I love him <3
So with that said, I have housework to tend to.
Leave a comment please! I want to get to know All of you :)